Who needs to know about the parental alienation checklist? Divorce proceedings are trying for all parties, and when accusations of parental alienation arise, it only heightens the emotions and stress levels involved. Here is a parental alienation checklist and parental alienation tactics for you to learn and avoid. There are also solutions right after for you to overcome the situation of becoming an alienator.
Parental Alienation – What is That?
Parental alienation is when one parent attempts to brainwash or otherwise turn their child against the other parent, there are actually some signs and examples for you to discover. The allegation of parent alienation in a divorce case is a serious matter.
Parental alienation extends beyond interfering with visiting rights to influencing the child’s attitude toward the other parent. Proving the claims in court can be challenging since many courts have yet to recognize parental alienation as a legitimate issue.
A Parental Alienation Checklist and Tactics
In the case of Fielding v Fielding, 2013 ONSC 5102, the mother alleged that the father was turning their two children against her. In court, an expert witness presented 17 alienating strategies in this parental alienation checklist and parental alienation tactics below that they said the parent used.
This parental alienation checklist and parental alienation tactics has become standard in the industry and includes:
- Bad-mouthing the other parent.
- Lying to the child that the other parent does not love them anymore.
- Expressing anger or withdrawing love to pull the child away from the other parent
- Making the child get dependent and creating a distance between them and the alienated parent
- Limiting contact of the child with the alienated parent
- Not allowing the parent to speak with the child or making up excuses for why the child can’t have visitation both interfere with communication.
- Removing affection or displaying rage at the child
- Child forced to choose between parents
- Giving the impression that the other parent is a threat to the child
- Disclosure of personal adult and litigation details to the child
- Forcing the youngster to reject the alienated parent in some way
- Requesting the child to spy on the estranged parent.
- Telling a youngster to conceal a secret from an alienated parent.
- Changing a child’s name to eliminate any association with an alienated parent
- Fostering self-reliance and undercutting the power of the alienated parent
- Requesting that the youngster call the alienated parent by their first name, rather than Mom or Dad
- Asking the youngster to call their new step-parent Mom or Dad and referring to their new spouse as Mom or Dad in front of the child are examples of step-parenting.
Some courts have adopted a checklist to help identify parental misconduct that could jeopardize a child’s relationship with one parent. This may be evidence of parental alienation tactics, which is taken very seriously by the court.
Child Signs of Parental Alienation Tactics
When children are being alienated from a parent, they exhibit a range of behavioral changes that can be used to identify the situation. To confirm whether it is indeed the Parental Alienation Checklist, these signs of parental alienation tactics must be compared with objective information.
- When the child refuses to communicate with or visit the parent, blindly believing everything that the alienator parent says. When the child does provide a reason for not seeing the parent, it is often flimsy and unconvincing and can be classified as a frivolous rationalization.
- The child may display rude and hateful behavior towards the parent and anyone associated with them. They may not feel any sense of remorse for their actions, and may even slander the parent in front of others, such as teachers or friends. This behavior is known as spreading animosity.
- When the child does not feel any guilt for their misbehavior, which is a clear indication that they have been influenced by the Parental Alienation Checklist to believe that their actions are acceptable.
- When the child engages in slanderous or negative talk about the other parent in the presence of others, such as teachers or friends. This behavior can be seen as an attempt to spread animosity and create a negative image of the other parent.
- When the child perceives everything the alienator parent says as “good” or “right,” while considering everything associated with the other parent as “bad” or “wrong.” This lack of ambivalence from the child can be a clear indication of the Parental Alienation Checklist.
- The child may refuse to acknowledge anything positive coming from the other parent, always taking the side of the alienator parent. This reflexive support is another sign of the Parental Alienation Checklist.
- A child who is experiencing a Parental Alienation Checklist may have difficulty distinguishing between right and wrong. They may blindly accept everything that the alienator parent says, without being able to evaluate the situation objectively. This can lead to a situation where the child becomes completely aligned with one parent and completely estranged from the other.
Signs of Parental Alienation from Others
1. Your ex-spouse discloses the specifics of your divorce to your children
There are some “grown-up” details that should not be discussed with your children, despite the fact that your ex-spouse may claim to want to be open and honest with them. Your children may have a very negative impression of you if your ex-spouse discusses with them the reasons why you two got divorced, including the details of your argument and the steps you took to end the marriage. Your children might become enraged with you if they believe that you caused the divorce.
2. Your partner falsely accuses you of domestic violence
Your ex-spouse may go into more detail when discussing the reasons for the divorce with your children if they were hurt by your behavior. To further harm the reputations of their ex-spouses, some parents may level unfounded allegations of abuse. A parental Alienation checklist may exist if your kids bring up abusive behavior from the past that you did not engage in.
3. Your ex-partner criticizes you in front of your kids.
Your ex-spouse might say things in front of your kids that make them angry at you. He or she might say something like, “We can’t celebrate Christmas as a family because your mother/father is spending time with his/her new friend,” or something similar to incite your kids’ resentment and blame.
4. Your ex-partner exhibits unfavorable body language
If you and your ex-spouse are present in the same space, your ex-spouse might express their dislike for you in front of your kids through body language. Negative body languages, such as crossed arms, rolling eyes, shaking heads, and angry faces, can give your kids the wrong impression of you.
5. You have offended your kids.
When you spend time with your kids, any negative attitudes that your ex-spouse has toward you at home will become apparent. Parental Alienation checklist may be present in your children’s home if they express hatred for you, dislike you, or discuss the reasons why they dislike you.
6. Your kids feel guilty after being around you.
Parental alienation occurs when one parent prevents their children from interacting with the other parent. Your spouse might be making your kids feel guilty for feeling an attachment to you in private if they don’t express how much fun they had with you or how much they enjoyed being with you.
7. Your ex-spouse interrogates you about your personal life
Your former partner might question your kids about your personal life after their visits in an uncomfortable and inappropriate way. The fact that they want to be loyal to both of you may cause the kids to feel uneasy and conflicted. Your spouse may be using the kids to gather information if they suddenly know details about your life that you haven’t shared with them.
8. Your ex-spouse prevents your kids from seeing you
Your custody agreement may state that you can only see your kids on a certain day, but your spouse might register them for activities on that day or your kids might not want to see you. The emotional bond you can create with your children will weaken the less time they spend with you.
9. Your ex-partner gives your kids visitation options
You might be required by the court to have scheduled visits with your kids, depending on your custody arrangement. Even if they have no other option, your ex-spouse might ask your kids if they want to come see you. It’s possible that you won’t see your kids, or that they will resent you for forcing them to go to their required visits when they do.
10. Your ex-spouse requests that your kids choose one parent.
Although your spouse may request it, your children are unable to choose between the two of you as their parents. As a result, if your spouse persuades them to choose him or her, your children might go through a great deal of distress and develop resentment towards you.
Impacts of Parental Alienation on Co-Parenting and Family Relationships
Parental alienation can have significant impacts on co-parenting and family relationships. Here are some of the ways that parental alienation tactics can affect family dynamics:
Strained co-parenting relationships: Parental alienation can lead to a breakdown in communication and trust between co-parents. This can make it difficult to work together to make decisions about the child’s well-being.
Negative impact on child-parent relationships: Parental alienation can damage the relationship between the child and the targeted parent, making it difficult to maintain a positive and healthy relationship.
Damage to family relationships: Parental alienation can create a toxic and divisive atmosphere within the family, affecting relationships between siblings, grandparents, and other family members.
Emotional and psychological impacts: Parental alienation can have long-term emotional and psychological impacts on both the child and the targeted parent, including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.
Legal and financial consequences: Parental alienation can lead to costly and protracted legal battles over custody and visitation. This can strain the family’s finances and lead to ongoing conflict.
Impact on the child’s well-being: Parental alienation can have a negative impact on the child’s mental health and well-being, affecting their ability to form healthy relationships and succeed in school and other areas of life.
How to Combat and Go Against Parental Alienation?
People disagree about whether parental alienation syndrome is a mental illness, and it honestly varies depending on who you ask. However, it’s crucial to understand that we can all be taught how to think and feel positively or negatively about someone or something.
If you think parental alienation is occurring in your life (you can check again in the 17 parental alienation checklist above), here are some things you can do to try and stop it. This checklist in this blog includes:
- Don’t become an alienator yourself. This is the first and uppermost in the parental alienation checklist. When you’re up against parental alienation, one of the most difficult things to remember is that it’s totally natural to feel legitimately threatened and like you need to respond or fight back in some way. Additionally, it can be so tempting to tell your child all about everything terrible their other parent has done – but try not to give into that temptation! If you do, then you’ll just get caught up in a circular pattern of “he said/she said” false allegations with no real solution.
- Express love to your child all the time. Always tell your child you love and care for them whenever you have the chance. Let them know that they’re constantly on your mind, and make sure they feel cherished.
- Always apply the positive language. This is an essential item on the checklist that parents often overlook. Instead of saying to your child “I miss you”, tell them that you eagerly await seeing them again. Avoid any negative language, even if it appears subtle. Saying that you miss your child implies regret, which is a negative emotion. By communicating excitement about seeing them again using positive language, they will sense and mirror your enthusiasm.
- NEVER stop trying to make contact with your child. This one needs to be emphasized in the parental alienation checklist If you’re beginning to suspect that your child isn’t receiving your emails, phone messages, or voicemails, don’t give up hope just yet. Although changes may not happen immediately, keep a record of all the times you’ve tried contacting them. Having this record could prove useful for both you and your child down the road if they ever find out what’s been happening.
- Keep yourself under control. Get help managing your emotions, and follow court orders and agreements. Don’t do anything that would make the other parent look like the villain to your children. Remember an alienated parent doesn’t need any true ammunition because they can easily make something up. If this does occur, it is easier to defend against than actual wrongdoing on your part. Although it will be tough, find someone to talk to who can offer support such as a friend or therapist–this will prevent you from becoming too overwhelmed.
- Don’t blame the child. It’s crucial to see, in this parental alienation checklist, that your kid is a casualty in the circumstance. This may be hard because the parent who’s doing the alienation quite possibly has instructed your child to watch you, columns you, and give feedback on everything you said or did, who were present during conversations, etc. Remember that this isn’t your child’s mistake and it’s pivotal not to hold them culpable or become frustrated with them; such responses would only satisfy what the grandparents are telling your kid.
- Be yourself. You are more than enough– never try to overcompensate. Continue being yourself and by doing so, you’ll expose the truth about who the parent trying to alienate you is. They’re likely not as great as they make themselves seem. Be a kind and loving person; actions will always speak louder anyway. This is important to remember in this parental alienation checklist.
- Keep up with the plan. Even if you think the other parent will not let you see your child, do not deviate from any prior plans or arrangements. If you are even one minute late or don’t show up at all, that parent can easily spin it to make it seem like proof to your child that their own father or mother doesn’t care about them.
- Create and enjoy memorable moments with your child. Though it may seem simple, something like talking during a long walk or doing an activity that’s just you and your kid, such as reading a book together or playing catch, can turn into a moment they’ll always remember. It’s not about having fun continuously; it’s about making cherished memories that will stay with your child for their entire life.
- Hire a team of professionals. If you want to give your case its best chance, consider building a team of professionals who can help. This might include hiring a therapist and an experienced family law attorney, as well as gathering scholarly studies and articles on parental alienation. Remember that anyone you hire should have experience with this issue so they can be effective in court.
Advice for Parental Alienation Checklist
- Your ex or ex-spouse is attempting to prevent you from seeing your child. You are aware that they are mistaken, and parental alienation must end. Check out some advice to assist you in fighting it.
- Gather evidence: You must keep track of all the evidence if you believe that your ex or spouse is attempting to distance you from your child. Save the text or record all calls with them if they texted or called you to say something like, “Stay away from my child,” “You are not fit to take care of my child,” or something similar. Continue gathering evidence that could support your case in court for parental alienation tactics. However, prior to taking this action, try to solve the issue through communication. In some areas of the world, it is also against the law to record something without permission.
- Recognize and keep track of patterns: When your child starts acting strangely, you might start to realize that they are becoming estranged from you. At this point, you ought to record it. Make a note of instances where the child has said, “You are bad,” or has declined to meet you, along with the occasion’s date and setting. You can easily analyze your child’s changing behavior by noting these patterns, and you might even be able to assist them.
- Take care to avoid errors as you walk: You might have taken a lot of heat from your ex or your spouse. You should resist the urge to respond and continue to disprove them. Make sure your strengths are shining through. Even if you are angry, try to control yourself because even one bad deed could tip the scales even further in your favor.
- Never give up: Fighting and demonstrating that you are correct and your ex or spouse is wrong can be exhausting and annoying as well. But you should continue to fight for your kids, who are the object of parental alienation tactics and are being exploited by your ex. Understand that your children may be slandering you or leaking information about you because they may have been brainwashed. So never stop standing up for them.
- Parental reunification therapy aids in reunifying parents and children who have been unjustly estranged from one another. Either a court order or voluntary enrollment in therapy are options.
Parental Alienation Syndrome and Parental Alienation
Parental Alienation checklist and parental alienation syndrome, or PAS, are terms that are sometimes conflated. These two, however, are distinct from one another. In 1985, psychiatrist Dr. Richard Gardner created the term “parental alienation syndrome” to explain how alienation affects children (1).
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) does not include parental estrangement as a mental disorder. However, the DSM includes the term “child affected by parental relationship distress,” or CAPRD. A relationship issue between the parent and kid is CAPRD. Psychologists and other mental health experts diagnose mental, emotional, and psychological difficulties and illnesses since PAS is a psychological condition.
To summarize, any form of parental alienation of a child will surely have long-term consequences for the child. Your child is involved in a situation that could have long-term ramifications. Your child may need long-term counseling to recover from the brainwashing he or she has endured.
Many children withdraw, develop low self-esteem, and/or turn to drugs and/or alcohol as a result of the emotional scars left by the parental alienation checklist. It is critical to be continually there for your child and to aid them in whatever way you can.
The preceding checklist is intended to assist you in handling this critical and high-drama circumstance. Parental alienation occurs when one parent maliciously attempts to turn a child against the other parent. It is true. It is true. Parental alienation is not merely a strategy to obtain the upper hand in an acrimonious custody dispute; it affects your child in ways that may not appear for years. Thank you for reading the 17 parental alienation checklist and parental alienation tactics on our website.
FAQs of Parental Alienation Checklist
What is proof of parental alienation?
To prove parental alienation, you must show that you have not been able to spend enough time with your child. By meticulously documenting your interactions with your child and the other parent, you can support your case.
What are the 17 primary parental alienation strategies?
The 17 main tactics used to alienate parents can be divided into five groups: Limiting contact and communication between the child and the targeted parent; poisonous messages to the child about the targeted parent in which he or she is portrayed as unloving, unsafe, and unavailable; erasing and replacing,…
What is the parental alienation checklist?
A parental alienation checklist is a tool used to help parents identify parental alienation in their child’s life. It includes clues such as parental bashing, manipulation of facts and events, and a lack of communication between the parental figures.
What are some signs of parental alienation?
Signs of parental alienation include when one parent attempts to turn the child against the other parental figure by making disparaging comments, manipulating facts and events, or attempting to control the child’s relationship with the other parental figure. It is important to be aware of any signs of parental alienation as it can have a negative impact on your child’s emotional health.
What should I do if I think my child is being subjected to parental alienation?
If you believe that your child is being subjected to parental alienation, it is important to take action as soon as possible. Seek professional help and work with an attorney or therapist to address the issue. Treating parental alienation early on can help protect your child from further emotional damage by allowing them to develop healthy relationships with both parental figures.
Does alienation from parents ever end?
Sadly, parental alienation often cannot be undone. Early detection and controlling the conduct of the alienating parents are essential to the successful treatment of the illness. If you notice any indications of parental alienation, contact your divorce attorney and a seasoned psychologist right away.
What causes alienation between parents?
Parental alienation checklist or tactics occur when a child rejects a parent due to manipulation, such as when the other parent conveys exaggerated or false information. The circumstance most frequently occurs during a divorce or custody dispute, but it can also occur in families that are still together.
How does a mother who is narcissistic act?
A narcissistic mother may feel entitled or self-important, seek praise from others, think she is superior to others, lack empathy, exploit her children, disparage others, have heightened sensitivity to criticism, and, worst of all, may be unaware of the harm she is inflicting.
How do judges view parental alienation?
The reasons behind a child’s unfavorable actions toward a parent are particularly important to the court in cases involving parental alienation. The actions may be motivated by past experiences, or they may be irrational and imprinted by the alienator. The cited evidence becomes relevant in this situation.
Why should I know the parental alienation checklist?
It is important to understand the parental alienation checklist in order to identify any parental alienation tactics that may be employed and take appropriate legal action. Additionally, it can help you recognize behaviors that might indicate when parental alienation is happening and intervene before things get worse. It can also allow you to create a protective environment for your child and make sure they are receiving the care they need.
Are parental alienation checklists and tactics the same?
No, the parental alienation checklist simply outlines the various kinds of parental alienation tactics that can be taken. Tactics are the behaviors and activities that are used to alienate a child from their other parent. Examples of parental alienation tactics include badmouthing, exchanging gifts for loyalty, or excessive control over visitation time.
What is parental alienation?
Parental alienation is when one parent attempts to turn a child against the other parent. It is an emotionally damaging form of parental abuse and can have long-term consequences for both parents and children. Through brainwashing and manipulation, parental alienation tactics may include badmouthing, controlling visitation time, or attempting to buy loyalty with gifts.