Parental alienation is when a parent attempts to isolate his or her child from the other parent. They either physically remove the child and refuse to allow the other parent to see the child, or sway the child into hating or fearing the other parent. Parental alienation quickly becomes a matter of the favored parent versus the snubbed parent. The children prefer one parent and rebuff the other.
Why Parental Alienation Occurs
Parental alienation is a unique type of mental abuse and family violence, toward both the child and rebuffed parent, that often occurs after a divorce or custody agreement. The most prevalent cause is one parent wanting to eliminate the other from their child’s life.
Family members or friends, in addition to experts involved with the family such as psychologists, attorneys, and judges, might play a part in the procedure. Parental alienation frequently results in the continuing, or even permanent, separation of a child from one parent and other family members. Because parental alienation is a considerable harmful childhood experience and type of childhood trauma, it often leads to elevated permanent possibilities of both psychological and physical sickness.
Ways to Stop Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a serious condition, but you can combat its effects and stop it from happening completely. By taking the steps and advice listed below, you can ensure your relationship with your child takes no further damage – and perhaps prevent future parental alienation from occurring. If you want to stop parental alienation in its tracks, consider the following:
1. Stay Neutral
This is the most crucial tip. When you are being subjected to parental alienation, you will have a natural inclination to act protectively and always justify yourself to the children. You might wish to dispute the undesirable conduct and bring up the terrible things your former spouse has done to your children or in their presence. This is also alienation. Do not fall into the trap by adhering to your natural yearning to protect yourself against dishonest allegations.
2. Assert your Love
When you do succeed in effectively communicating with your children, tell them that you love and care for them, and they are frequently in your thoughts and heart. Let them understand that they are special to you.
3. Utilize Affirmative Language
It is extremely imperative to steer clear of utilizing undesirable language. It is easy and understated to avoid this language and use affirming phrases instead. Think as your child would think, rather than treating them like an adult.
For example, rather than, “I miss you,” which can place the child in a situation to experience guilt or dismay, say something like, “I can’t wait until I see you again!” This is more optimistic and affirmative. Or, rather than, “I wish I could have seen that” (which transmits a lost opportunity or a disappointment), say something like, “Wow, that is terrific! It must have been extremely exciting!” This expresses the enthusiasm, support, and affirmative language your child needs to hear.
4. Continue the Contact
Even if your ex is censoring your child’s communication with you – whether through a card, letter, gift, e-mail, voicemail, and so on – keep trying. In a journal, write down your attempts to communicate with your children in addition to sending a letter to your children as if they were going to read it sometime. This will be beneficial both for you and your children, if they have the chance to discover the truth at some time in the future.
5. Avoid the Blame Game
Your children are victims in this predicament as well. Although it might be frustrating, parental alienation might cause your children to keep an eye on you for your ex, mention each step you make, and report on who you speak to or spend time with. If you forget that this is a part of the alienator’s approach, you could become upset at your children and accuse them of affirming your former partner’s conduct. Do not allow this to occur.
6. Be Yourself
Behave as you always have and do, in the children’s best interests. This will guarantee that, as much as possible, your children will not view you as you are being depicted by your former partner. Do not exaggerate this, however. You do not have to be “extra special” to dispute your former spouse’s accusations. Just be your typical affectionate, kind, supporting self. Always keep in mind that your behavior will forever speak louder than your former partner’s words, especially as your children grow up.
7. Keep Your Promises
If you have made special plans or deals with your children, do not alter your plans just because you are afraid that your former partner will not allow the children to spend time with you. If you are late or do not show one time, it might be misconstrued by your former partner into evidence of your lack of care for the children, and grant them the ability to further isolate the children from you.
8. Construct the Bond
You can’t always be a Disneyland parent, but an enjoyable vacation, playing ball, going to a game, reading a book, watching a movie, and so on can all foster special moments with your children. These will assist in building a potent bond and connection between you and your children.
9. Have a Terrific Team
Legal experts, mental health specialists, and therapists are all vital tools to help you with lessening parental alienation. Be certain that whatever professional you utilize is conversant and qualified. Also be sure that your team is aware of the effects of parental alienation and the legal steps you can take against it.
Parental alienation is a serious matter. Experts state that is a form of child abuse and domestic violence, which is totally true. By intentionally keeping a child away from their other parent, a parent is shattering the bond that this child has made. That is why the besieged parent must consider the steps above or some other plan to stop parental alienation before it gets out of control.